What is shyness?
Frida wanted to enter
the mess hall. All the other kids were already seated in groups, munching their
lunch, chatting happily. Frida was afraid that people would look at her, so she
hung outside, trying to muster the courage to enter. But her heart raced inside
her rib cage, her palms sweated and she felt a warm blush cover her face. So
she left.
Shyness
during childhood years.
Shy children like
Frida suffer from 'approach avoidance
conflict’. It means that they do want to approach others, but at the same
time, are too afraid to do so. As a result, the shy child may have bad approach
skills, lower social skills and feel that everything they say is dull or
stupid. Hence, shy children may have low results in tests that require
face-to-face interactions, and may be perceived as less intelligent than they
are due to their fear of talking. Thus, a vicious cycle may begin that only
enhances the low-self esteem of the shy child. During later childhood and
adolescence shyness becomes increasingly associated with loneliness,
depression, social anxiety, and low self-worth. Ways to help child overcome shyness depends on his/her situation and
individual needs.
The shy ones may feel
tiny in relation to others, or wish to disappear all together.
Mitch's switching into
objects in "The Two Tuba Switch" is a way to stretch shyness a bit to
make a point.
Shyness - nature or
nurture? Both.
Shyness runs in
families. About one fifth of the babies are born with a tendency for shyness.
Shyness may be caused
by any single or repeated incidents that makes us feel uncomfortable or
unworthy (new day in preschool /school,
peer mockery, bullying, etc).
Modern
age factors.
Increased crime which
forces children off the streets, smaller families, increasing use of computers,
video games, and TV as a form of non-human means for fun and play. These changes which may also be a convenient
for a shy person may also enhance his shyness.
How
to improve matters in a nutshell?
Parents must be
supportive of their child's temperament helping them feel better about
themselves. At the same time, they must not be over protective by helping the
child engage in successful social activity. Mutual activities such as reading
together children's educational books about shy children and how they cope is
another good way.
Parents must never
ever, let their own childhood memories and frustrations interfere and get in
the way! Love your children for what they are.
Parents may not be
fully aware of what is happening to their children's and their everyday
activities. After coming home from work, parents usually do some household
chores and prepare themselves for dinner, while their kids do their homework
after arriving from school. Conversations would usually begin at dinner time,
asking them questions about how their day at school was. Kids may share their
quirky experiences to their parents, but teenagers would seldom do the
same.
Adolescents would
rather keep the details to themselves, and just share random events from their
school. Many parents may be unaware but
high school life may be found by their children to be quite a challenge. Peer acceptance is critical for most
teenagers. In campus, they have
opportunities to build new friendships.
For some teens, school is also about facing up to the difficulties of
bullying. Other students from school or even their so called “friends” could
tease and bully them by saying negative things about them in front of many
people. Sadly, this scenario is considered as normal for people their age. At this stage, your children may be
emotionally sensitive and choose to remain secretive about the issues and
situations that they face in school.
In case one of your
children is having difficulty sharing stories, opening up, or is showing
symptoms of depression --- that child may be having problems with self-esteem.
It is not uncommon for teenagers to experience a form of inferiority complex
since the adolescent years are really about establishing self-identity and
building their own sense of self-worth. They may also have feelings of
resentment, alienation, and unhappiness.
These are only some of the reasons why children hesitate to share their
experiences to their parents and other adults.
For parents who think
that their children might be suffering from an inferiority complex, it is best
to see and know the signs that your child may be experiencing. Your child knows
what they are capable of, as well as their shortcomings. Bullying tends to point
such negativity into the young adult, and perceives any form of criticism as a
personal attack. Feeling bad about themselves, they usually have trouble
feeling good with anyone else. They look hard for possible flaws and
shortcomings of other people to try to convince themselves that they are not so
bad after all.
Response to flattery
can come in two ways: desperate in fishing for compliments, while others may
refuse to listen to anything positive since it would be in contrast with their
own feelings. Another sign is how they project their weaknesses unto others in
order to lessen the pain of feeling inferior. If blaming is carried to the
extreme, they might think that others are actively seeking to ruin them. People,
who feel inferior likes to win games, but tend to avoid such situations because
deep down, they believe they cannot win. They have beliefs that they themselves
are not as interesting as others, and would think that other people would feel
the same way about them. These are the most common signs of having inferiority
complex, and parents should really take the time to help their children deal
with it. Guiding children and teenagers
in terms of their emotional and psychological growth is critical to the quality
of their life.
In order to overcome
such inferiority complex, these young adults should develop a strong sense of
determination to change their present mentality. Initially, they would require
a little initiative, be daring and should give up their inhibition. Parents
should remind them that they do not need to be afraid of any body. Try to
develop their positive thinking and make them express their views, in case they
do not like anything. Always remember that everyone is unique in this world,
and individuality is best in leading a good and happy life.
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